Overcoming the Negativity of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Child in SpaceI hope that anyone who has been sexually abused by a priest or anyone in authority will be able to learn from my story…

Over the past few years I embarked on an endeavor to resolve some unfinished business that had adversely affected my life since childhood.  It was apparent to me for a long that I had to do something more besides just thinking and talking about it, and I suppose I was just waiting for the ‘right’ time to act.

Four years ago, when I was almost crushed by a car careening at me in a supermarket parking lot, I made a decision to give a statement to a law firm of how I had been raped by a Catholic priest at the age of 10.  My thinking was that, if ever there was a class action suit when others were coming forward about that same priest, my statement would be heard.  The lawyer that I spoke with told me that his firm would be able to help me on an individual basis and that the whole legal procedure would only take a couple of years at most.*

Although I had begun the process of making a report to the authorities 30 years ago when I first realized the impact of that violation of my innocence, I backed away because I was terrified of bringing all that emotional turmoil out into the open.  In fact, I was woefully aware that my own dear mother would never have supported me, because she believed in the religion far more than in her own daughter.

Child with Telescope

Throughout the legal process, I found out how voraciously the church defends their pedophile priests when childhood victims come forward.  Not only does the RC church use their authority to stretch out the time over which a victim has to endure the anxiety of thinking about going into a courtroom against their powerful institution, they accused me of lying!

Early on, the lawyers for the defense indicated that “the Diocese never received any complaints about Fr. Lefaive and had no knowledge of him being an abuser.” They were determined to cast doubt on me and attributed all my teenage and early adulthood problems to other issues, because there was no difference whatsoever in my scholastic achievements immediately following the rape.  In fact, I had skipped a grade in the year just prior to the event and was able to excel in that year and in the two years following.  Since I was under threat to keep the priest’s actions secret, it wasn’t until the priest had left my village that my behavior changed.

JulyCloudsSurprisingly, I never anticipated how difficult it would be to resurface all those childhood memories of the abuse and the aftermath in my life.  I thought that, with all the healing that had taken place since I’d started to work with my spirit, I would easily get through it all.  However, I learned that the entire legal procedure is painstakingly slow, and I underwent an absurd type of psychological torment that might have been intolerable 30 years ago.

During the legal process, I had to submit to psychological assessments by a leading psychologist and a psychiatrist educator who were hired for financial gain to provide conflicting views on my sorry story.   While I was comforted by the contents of my side’s report, I ended up paying a fortune for it.

When I was assessed by the defense psychiatrist, I was questioned for nearly 8 hours straight after a sleepless night, which only ended because the doctor had to pick up his children from school.  In his psychological report, the psychiatrist blamed my early issues on my family’s emotional and economic problems, but he said a few things that were almost supportive and even strange.  He cited studies that revealed that pre-pubescent children and those with higher intelligence fare better after being sexually abused, because they have better coping mechanisms. When I described how I had floated up out of my body, then lost consciousness while the priest was raping me, he rather absurdly stated I must have been thinking about something else.

WildSky

As the first person to ever come forward about Father Ulysse A. Lefaive, a gruff-mannered pompous  pedophile priest, I felt confused and betrayed as the date of my trial approached.  Even though he told me that the Diocese in which I was victimized had one of the worst records of child abuse, my lawyer suddenly changed his supportive manner and described the great risk of how the defense lawyers would turn everything around and basically destroy my character and possibly even force me to pay all their legal expenses!

Since the priest and my mother were both dead and I didn’t have enough witnesses to support my case, my lawyer told me that a judge or jury would find it hard to rule against a dead man with no prior accusations employed by such a powerful institution.  How uncaring to have put me through almost 4 years of anxiety by ripping open the wounds of my early life, only to be told that my case wasn’t strong enough to go into court!

Within a few weeks of my trial, I was suddenly surprised to receive an email from an elementary school classmate who had moved shortly after the priest had raped me.  I remembered this boy and had always wondered why he had left so suddenly with no explanation.  When I told what had happened to me at the hands of our parish priest, he said he knew about the ‘bisexual priest’, because he had been molested by him as well.  When I received this news, I was so hopeful that it would help my case, but my lawyer kept telling me that it was best to settle before going into the courtroom.

Ocean SurfaceAlthough I had very much wanted to publicly expose what had happened to me and its effects on my life, my case was settled out of court for much less than had initially been suggested, under the threat of ripping my family name apart and causing my personal financial ruin.  On their part, the RC church doesn’t want the acts of a pedophile priest to be subjected to public scrutiny, so they often bring cases like mine to the courthouse steps before they agree to settle.  The lawyers and the experts are making money, but the victims can never be repaid.  As children, we were preyed upon by pedophiles who stood in the highest regard in our communities.

Even though the activities of pedophiles employed by the Catholic Church have been exposed during the past 20 years, there’s still a lot more to be done to help the childhood victims of sexual abuse at the hands of their clergymen. The third highest ranking member of the Vatican is now being sued for sexual abuse in Australia, so how can anyone continue to trust in their integrity? At the world level, even though they condemned the Holy See in 2014, I sincerely hope that the UN will consider suspending the membership of the Holy See and conduct their own investigation into the human rights abuses perpetrated by this overly powerful religious institution.Summer Sky 2017.wp

Apart from being disillusioned with my case, I sincerely hope that my story will be helpful to anyone who has been sexually abused in any way by a person of authority.  I am proud of having been strong enough to finally stand up to the wealthy and powerful RC church, as they cast blame on us child survivors and attack our credibility when we come forward.

I’m not saying that making a legal claim against the RC church would help your emotional or mental suffering, because it will open up all the painful memories that your ordeal caused in your life. However, what can be gained from coming forward as an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse:

  1. Self-esteem. You’ll feel so much better for having stood up against a powerful authority that hurt and silenced you.
  2. Credibility.  Your family and friends will understand you better.  What happened set you on a different path than would have been traveled – you’ve blazed your own unique trail.
  3. Validation.  You’ll feel like someone of authority (your lawyer, your psychological assessor) believes you and will act on your behalf in the justice system.  As a child, you weren’t capable of righting the wrong; now your claim against the pedophile will be filed in the court records to help future victims, even if it never makes it to court.

 

Glo 7.8.2017.wpFrom my perspective, I am so very grateful that I found a higher-level way to help me fight the extreme negativity I was facing!  If I hadn’t learned how to work with my spirit 30 years ago, I might never have survived the ongoing disgusting negativity that leaves an abused child stranded in fear and hopelessness for the rest of their life.

Now I’ve completed the business of bringing my story into the justice system, so that other child victims of the same pedophile can come forward with more credibility and strength to have their story heard.

 

* Canadian law provides survivors of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of authoritative figures the right to come forward, no matter how much time has lapsed.  A very recent law allows survivors to bring the employers of deceased pedophiles to justice.

I am always available to help anyone who wants to learn how to work with their spirit in a practical and effective way to get rid of negativity at all levels.

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I welcome and value your input ~ Please feel free to comment!

I work across distance to extend my higher-level knowledge to you, wherever you are in the world! Learn how great life is when you work with a positively oriented spirit!

Feel free to drop by my work website! OnlyPositiveKnowledge.com

 

Spiritual Strength | Gaining It

M27 HubbleSitewpEven as we shape the pieces of our existential puzzle together relative to the apparent universe enveloping us, we remain lagging behind with the spiritual advancement that could alter our lives both individually and collectively when approached from a positive perspective. Gaining spiritual strength isn’t a competition – it’s a personal endeavor that requires focus and attention over a lifetime.

When we’re small children, working with our spiritual self is as natural as asking for something to eat or drink. As an essential part of our childhood, we naturally identified the positives and negatives of our spiritual activity and acted accordingly. We might have continued our spiritual savvy long into life, but most of us have been conditioned to leave behind our inherent spiritual knowledge. Many of us faced further obstacles like neglect, bullying or abuse and were adversely affected onward into our lives, and further separated from our spiritual selves.

The further a child drifts from his/her sense of harmony with their spirit, they lose a natural state of wellbeing and the ability to deal with the higher-level negativity that constantly bombards them. If someone continues to lose ground spiritually, the repercussions can filter through to the physical level in the form of physiological and mental malaise and/or financial and relationship problems. Not everyone finds strength of healing through traditional means because there are often spiritual issues at hand that can block and deter the healing process.

JulyClouds

From my own perspective as an intelligent enthusiastic child, my world had spiraled downward as I lost spiritual knowledge and strength as a result of a clergy abuse event. At an early age I recognized the inadequacy of available antiquated religious institutions and dropped my family’s traditions.  I felt lost and off balance for many years and remember searching for some sort of harmony in my life, but I didn’t realize that my physical problems had escalated into a spiritual crisis.

When I regained the inherent knowledge of how to work with my spirit and started working with the Light*, I began building up my spiritual strength and positive changes took effect immediately. I experienced a boost in my self-esteem and adopted a completely new perspective about how to look after my physical self. I discovered that my spirit needs a positively oriented body in order to make progress, so I initiated a continuously healthy lifestyle. I realized it’s my responsibility to strive to be as positive as possible in all aspects of my being, if I’m to continue to grow in spiritual strength and positive knowledge.

Sunlight Thru Ocean CloudswpOne of the greatest obstacles to gaining spiritual strength is fear. When you give in to fear of any kind, like fear of failure or success, fear of others’ acceptance or rejection or fear of changing your current situation in life, you’re succumbing to negativity. As you start being yourself and working through all the steps needed to overcome your fears, you’ll notice a boost in your ability to counteract negative thoughts and emotions before they give rise to additional difficulty.

Spiritual strength doesn’t come instantly – it takes effort and commitment. Some people have been duped into quick fixes such as accepting spirit guides, angels, or summoning the spirits of deceased loved ones, as a way to gain spiritual strength; while others have been invited to accept a stranger’s life energy.  Any of these ruses would be a clear opportunity for negative beings/spirits to be invited into ruining your life. Others have decided to join a religious institution with the hope it would take over their spiritual responsibility, but are often led into a false sense of complacency. It’s impossible to learn how to gain strength with your spirit in a few hours or by depending on others – you have to be committed to this very personal endeavor on a long-term basis, since spiritual strength intensifies over time.Mountain Vista

Everyone has the potential to be good at personal spiritual work, but becoming strong spiritually doesn’t come without effort. No one can hand you access to the positive energy of the Light. You have to earn its benefits on a daily basis by meeting negative challenges with determined positive reactions and solutions. Higher-level negativity can be much less obvious than what you already recognize, especially when it emanates from other people and their associations with others. Your perseverance in being patient and acquiring awareness of higher-level negativity will allow you to continuously gain stamina to meet new challenges.

Sunbrushed Lake CloudsOur spirits transcend this physical existence, yet it’s up to us to consciously promote our spiritual progress. While climbing each cliff to overcome negativity, then coasting conscientiously along the plateaus until meeting the next hurdle, you’ll grow stronger as your spirit gains strength due to your efforts.

Gaining spiritual strength is a process of learning, adapting and following through with a lifelong commitment to work positively alongside your spirit to enhance your life experience.

“Make a firmer commitment and believe in yourself!” ~Leo Jean

*Light: The pure white light of the universe; purely positive energy; not associated with any one religion or deity

I welcome and value your input ~ Please feel free to comment!

I work across distance to extend my higher-level knowledge to you, wherever you are in the world! Learn how great life is when you work with a positively oriented spirit!

Why not drop by my work website… OnlyPositiveKnowledge.com